How to Stunt Growth
by Eelex
Summary: Reigen can't help noticing Mob's growth spurt and starts feeling petty. One-shot. Full of very inaccurate information. Don't trust WikiHow.


_'How to stunt growth'_

Reigen sat at his desk, hunched over his laptop. He was busy researching the solution to a recently discovered problem. Probably the biggest problem he's had to face in his entire life.

Mob is getting taller.

In hindsight, this has been a long time coming. When they first met, Mob barely even came up to his shoulder. Over the years, he's gradually been getting taller, his current height reaching up to about Reigen's eye-level. He's spent the past 4 years of his life having this kid literally and metaphorically look up to him, and he'd be damned if he let that change.

A quick Google search proved useful enough for this mission. The article said that caffeine could keep children and teens from growing, so when Mob showed up for work later, Reigen wasn't shy about offering his employee some coffee.

"No thank you, Shishou. I'm not a fan of coffee." Mob turned back to his work and the pleasant smile Reigen wore while talking to Mob twisted into an exasperated scowl. With a shrug, he decided there was no use wasting the coffee he ran out to get and took a sip. He yelped when it burnt his tongue and he promptly threw it away in frustration.

 _'Okay, time for plan B...'_

According to Reigen's divine wikiHow article, weighing people down with heavy items could keep their spine from growing any further. Seemed simple enough. Scanning his office, Reigen gathered a bunch of odds and ends into a bag he kept around in case of just such an emergency.

"Hey Mob," Reigen said casually with the bag sitting by his feet. "I have a very important job for you!"

Mob looked up from the schoolwork he was working on during the relatively slow business day. "Oh! What is it?"

Picking up the satchel from the floor, Reigen held it out for Mob to take. "I need you to hold this for as long as physically possible."

Mob took the bag and struggled to keep his arms up. "Why?"

Reigen forgot to make up a reason why. Well, he was nothing if not resourceful.

"Oh, well, uh, a client came in before you showed up...and he said that the items in this bag are...cursed! Yeah, and the way to break the curse is to...keep it away..from the ground."

"Shishou, that doesn't make sense," Mob wheezed out from beneath the bag.

"Ha! That just shows how naive you are, Mob. When you're as experienced as I am, you'll understand."

"Oh...Okay." Mob's arms were trembling from the weight, and Reigen felt a weird sense of satisfaction from another crisis averted.

That is, until the bag started floating in between the two while Mob rubbed at his aching biceps. Reigen had to practice more self-restraint to keep from slapping his hand to his face in frustration than he's ever had to use in his entire lifetime. How on Earth did he manage to forget about this kid's telekinesis?

"Are you okay, Shishou?" Mob asked while the bag continued to taunt Reigen.

"Yeah, I'm fantastic."

"You don't seem to-"

" _Fantastic_." He reached up and slapped the satchel into the floor without breaking eye contact.

Mob gasped. "Shishou! What about the curse?"

"You broke it. Good work, Mob."

This seemed to calm the boy's worries. With a tiny smile, he turned back to his work, thinking nothing of the exchange he just had with his boss.

Thinking back to the article, Reigen recalled it saying something about how cutting milk out of someone's diet would keep them from growing. That wasn't even worth trying, though. It also explained how malnutrition and lack of sleep could cut down on a few inches.

Reigen paused. Was jeopardizing a child's health _really_ worth the meager feeling of superiority he got from being taller?

"Hey Mob, wanna go get something to eat?"

One extremely guilt inducing trip to the nearest fast food place later, Reigen realized this was a lost cause.

While never really having had any memorable encounters with Mob's parents, Reigen knew enough about them and genetics to realize that their children would most likely both grow to be pretty tall.

Another quick Google search claims that good posture, plenty of sleep, and exercise could help him grow a couple more inches.

 _'Guess it's inevitable then,'_ he thought with a sigh.

Mob had left for the day, leaving Reigen alone with his thoughts. He reached into his desk drawer to pull out a pack of cigarettes. What a joke. Getting so worked up over something as trivial as height was unlike him. It's not like Mob wouldn't respect him or like him anymore just because he might have to angle his head down to look at him. Probably.

Putting an unlit cigarette in his mouth, Reigen couldn't help laughing a little at how childish he was being. As he looked around for the lighter he kept on his desk somewhere, he heard the door open.

"Ah, sorry, Shishou. I forgot my bag here," Mob called. He stopped in the doorway and focused on the cigarette in his boss' mouth.

"You're smoking?" he asked with an unreadable expression.

"Uh...yeah," Reigen said and took the cigarette from his mouth. He usually didn't smoke when Mob was around, and even then it was only when he needed to calm his nerves. "What of it?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just that we were talking about the effects of nicotine on the body today in science class. Did you know there are about 50 cancer causing chemicals in a cigarette?"

Reigen had to make a conscious effort to keep from rolling his eyes at the Smoking Is Bad For You spiel he's heard a million times from his family and random passersby on the odd occasion. "You don't say."

"Mhmm, and did you know that it might even cause stunted growth?"

"...Huh?"

"Yeah, I didn't know that either. Well, I gotta go. See you tomorrow, Shishou."

Mob closed the door behind him just in time to miss his boss angrily throw his pack of cigarettes into the trashcan.


End file.
